Why Farts Are Awesome

People are overly uptight. Or maybe populate just dont realize how funny remark breaking winding actually is. And by people, I mean the feminine half of the population. The difference in reliance seemween the sexes on the humorous foster of a good fart is ace of the most telling signs that men are far much evolved than women. Or at least begin a better sense of humor. Dammit, farts are funny. So what brought this on, you lease? Well today at work, I had to fart. So naturally I ran over to where cardinal of my coworkers was standing, lift my leg, scrunched my represent up, and let er rip. Apparently, that was rude.Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuse me. After I farted on my coworker, every single male works starting laughing their asses off, and the females looked at me as if Id just committed the most heinous crime one can commit. The manager tried to keep the peace by politely asking me to not fart on people, but it was one of those times where youre trying to tell somebody not to do something, barely you just cant stop laughing. I was forced to admit that farting on someone is rude. Yeah, so? Its also very freakin hilarious.We do it to each other all the time, well, the guys any commission. Well run over to each others workstations, rip one off, then run away laughing as the other person covers their nose. Then an hour posterior theyll get us back. And you know what? Its damn funny too. So of course when I farted on my coworker people asked me if I would think its funny if someone farted on me. Not especially, but it would be damn funny to them, and if they did it to me and didnt laugh, Id kick their ass. Of course it isnt funny if youre on the receiving end, but its comedic gold if you deliver a well-timed smoke to a friend.The humor value of a fart is judged by the level of humor in the eye of the farter and the third-party au fatiguence, if applicable. The fartees perspective doesnt count. That s the whole point of getting a good laugh at the expense of others. I dont mind if people get a laugh at my expense. Its the rules of the game, you live by the sword and die by the sword. I can take a fart from someone else, but you can bet your ass Ill be delivering one with your name on it. You see, if God didnt want people to fart on each other, he wouldnt have made it so funny.God wants us to fart in the funniest mode possible. Usually that involves assaulting the nasal passages of your fellow man. Farting is just funny. I mean think about it, it stinks, it defecates a funny noise, and it comes out of your ass, how could it possibly get any funnier than that? As a matter of fact, I repugn you to name five things in life that are funnier than nailing somebody else with a big stinky fart. I dont think its possible. To help all of you appreciate the art of farting a little more, I have taken the liberty of coming up with a few farting tips from a farting pro.If possible, suffer certain someone else gets the pleasure of smelling your fart. A fart nobody else smells or hears is an opportunity ineffectual and lost forever. If you have to fart and youre standing next to someone, bend your ass and aim toward them. This doesnt really make it any smellier for them, but it adds dramatic effect and makes the experience funnier. If you have to fart, and nobody is standing right next to you, hunt someone down, then lift your leg, scrunch up your face, and let it go.For bonus points, try to corner someone and then fart on them. Also for bonus, get down on your knees as though youre looking for something on the ground. Ask for help. As soon as the good samaritan gets on their knees to help you, apace move your ass right up next to their face and let go. When someone is giving their opinion and you have to fart, dictate You know what I think about that? and then scrunch up your face and fart. When you have to fart and someone is walking in your direction, hold th e fart until the are directly piece of tail you, then release.If youre sitting down when you fart, lift the ass archness facing the person nearest to you, that way they get the full effect. Upon completion of the fart, say aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, as though youve just taken an eleven-pound shit. Quickly read the fart as your own handiwork, especially to those who didnt hear it. If you dont tell them, they may never know you just farted. Raise your arms over your head as though youve just won the World hulk Title in front of thousands of people. Announce what it was that made you fart. Make sure to use lots of description. alternatively than say I need to stop eating so much Mexican food, say God damn, those three bean burritos went right through me, Ill be lucky if I dont get diarrhea. reveal to all around you how the fart felt as it came out. For example, was it a wet one? A cheek burner? Did you feel like a giant gas bubble in your stomach popped with the fart s release? Do you need to go to the restroom just to make sure a little feces didnt flow as well? Rate the fart. Unless it was a dud, in which case you shouldnt have done all the buildup. still if it was a good one, talk about what a great fart it was and how you wish youd had a scene camera.